Tomorrow Looks Good...drug free : What Do You See?

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What Do You See?

Reading time - 2 min, 30 seconds

What do you see when you look at your kids? Nancy Canwell, one of our TLG regular contributors talks about some students she met and the huge questions they forced her to ask.

The Pain Inside

I was sitting at a round table with a group of elementary students practicing penmanship. Theirs was definitely a more detailed style of writing than mine, and I teasingly said to them, “Wow, this is hard!”

“It’s not hard,” they assured me. “It’s fun!”

“Okay then, so what is hard?” I lightheartedly asked. “What’s hard for you kids?”

They eagerly began giving me generic answers such as, “waiting for my birthday”…“waiting for Christmas”… “learning to type”… “understanding math”… “learning karate….”

And then I got an idea.

“No, really,” I said. “What’s hard about being a fifth grader?” The table suddenly became quiet. Without looking up from their penmanship assignment, they began answering my question. Their answers both surprised and saddened me:

“Having someone hit you.”

“Having your mom yell at you.”

“Being pinched by someone until you bleed.”

“My sister telling me that I don’t have a brain.”

“Being bossed around by grown-ups.”

“My brother breaking his promise to me.”

“Having your mom smoke.”

“When my friends are mean to me.”

Later, I found myself with a group of Middle School students and decided to see what life was like for them. As part of a lesson plan, I asked them to write down what makes life hard for them. Their answers were honest and insightful:

“When you like a guy and he doesn’t like you back.”

“Being overweight.”

“Trying to be accepted.”

“When my dad doesn’t listen to me.”

“My parents fighting.”

“Trying to fit in is always hard.”

“Adults being judgmental.”

“My dad yelling at me.”

“Divorce.”

“When my mom died.”

“Life itself….”

If We Could See and Hear

Who knew? Who knew that when these kids walked into school that morning, they were carrying such heavy loads? Their pain is masked by laughter. By bad behavior. By being withdrawn.

If we could see into the heart of our children, what would we see? Would we see a heart broken from feelings of rejection? Would we see a heart wounded by words? Would we see a heart aching to be loved?

If we could hear inside the head of our children, what would we hear? Would we hear an echo of our words? “You’re stupid!” “You’re a disappointment to me.” “You kids just shut up!” “Why can’t you be like other kids?”

As parents, grandparents, teachers and coaches, we have a responsibility—to handle the children in our lives as if they were priceless treasures—because they are. They are a gift—a gift that too quickly grows up and goes away.

You may feel that the children in your life demand too much from you. They may tell you that they have to have a cell phone, the newest iPod, or designer clothes. But when it comes down to it, what they really, really want is love, acceptance, forgiveness, kind words and a gentle touch. And the great thing is, all these are free!

What Children Need Most

Our children don’t need to hear, “You should have done better.” But rather, “Good job; how do you feel about it?” They don’t need to hear, “How could you have been so stupid?” But rather, “I forgive you—let’s learn from that mistake.”

Our children don’t need to feel a slap on the face or a kick in the pants. They need a warm hug and a pat on the back. Our children don’t need to feel that they’re worthless or in the way. They need to hear that they are priceless and that we can’t imagine life without them.

If we give these gifts to our children, their hearts will be whole instead of broken. Then the words echoing in their heads will be, “I am special. I am loved. Someone believes in me.” And those words will be their anchor as they face the struggles of growing up in an often confusing and sometimes painful world.

“The typical American pre-teen spends 40 hours per week ingesting media content.”